IT’S A SICK, SICK WORLD

Jeff got over being sick a few days ago and I thought I survived. To my disgust, I haven’t been feeling quite up to par for a few days although I haven’t come down with anything specific. I’m hoping obscene amounts of orange juice, balanced meals and lots of sleep will fight off any illnesses.

NANCY DREW and the CURSE of WIDE HIPS – I tried on a dress the other day; it was very Samantha from Sex and the City. The top fit, but alas, the bottom was too tight. It’s a constant challenge with us women of disproportion. Sigh… I’m doomed to wear skirts for the rest of my life.

YOU TOO CAN LOOK LIKE A MILLION BUCKS FOR PENNIES – At least once a week I am asked by someone on the street if I can spare some change. Apparently, I don’t look like I’m unemployed even though I should probably be the one asking for help. This irony is not lost on me.

WHERE’S THE JAVA? According to researchers from Southwestern University in Georgetown, Texas, caffeine could be the female version of Viagra. In a study to examine the interaction between caffeine and sex in females, moderate doses of caffeine directly affected sexual behavior in female rats, making them more interested in the males. Of course, rats don’t usually consume caffeine and people do on a regular basis so they’re not sure if this means anything for us. Who thought to give rats coffee as an aphrodisiac? And where do I apply for a job like that?

Where the heck is the quote board?

I was reminded today of one reason I enjoyed living alone. I spent the whole day – excluding answering the door for the pizza delivery guy – lounging around in my underwear. Jeff’s spending the day and night in San Francisco and I’m heading out later with a friend so I allowed myself the pleasure. I figured now was as good a time as any to share some of my recent open-mouth-and-insert-foot comments. I’ll leave the context out just to mess with your heads.

How far good are we on toilet paper?

Yeah. OTAY.

Teen newborn throws mom in trash.

Dammit! I must have been sleep-laundrying again.

I’m going to be cracking walnuts with these thighs.

You’ve been desperate for a guy for quite awhile.

Bajiggitiness. Are you sure that’s not a real word?

"Squat, baby, don't sit."

That from a guy who informed me I should still proceed with caution while using the men's restroom. Apparently, a girl made a mess of the women's room so I made like a man.

This happened when Jeff and I went to a gay bar tonight for karoke. Picture eight gay men surrounding you singing a Backstreet Boys hit as the top of their lungs. Yup. That pretty much sums it up. It was great entertainment and I even ended up singing Alanis Morissette's "You Oughta Know" with a couple of people. Not to shabby although I couldn't really hear myself. I did get a "cute," "great" and "fabulous." We also danced and saw cute lesbians make out. Jeff came home and promptly passed out.

It was also a great distraction from not one, but two, rejection letters I got in the mail today. I gave myself the day to sulk but I'll be my usual motivated self tomorrow. I refuse to let the mans (or womans) get me down.

Out with the Old - In with the New (Year that is.)

I apologize for being M.I.A. lately, but with working and the trip to Ohio… well, sorry. I’ll summarize.

Pre-Christmas/Christmas Day - I worked my last scheduled day on the 24th so now I’m once again officially unemployed. Jeff and I spent the most of the day together on the 25th before I flew east on the 26th. Gifts received include clothes, gift certificates, DVDs, candy, games, a “dog,” and other odds and ends. Honorable mention: Besides spending time with my family, Dani drove six hours round-trip just to see me for an hour and a half. Thanks to everyone for the cards, packages and warm wishes.

Between the holidays - My cousin, Lisa, had her second child. Ariana Marie was born Dec. 29 at 7 lbs. 4 oz. and 19 inches long. Mother, baby, dad and big brother are all doing well. Also, my sister Kylie and I got a chance to speak about her upcoming nuptials. Although we‘re lacking specifics, it looks like I’ll be maid-of-honor in a small, intimate ceremony in late spring/early summer.

New Year’s Eve - Ate, drank, played Mad Gabs and watched the ball drop with Kylie and Josh, Adam and Kristi, Stacy and Matt. (Yes, I was the odd one out, but I like to think of it as its own tradition.) Realized I have two more characteristics that tend to belong to men - 1) I enjoy watching a James Bond movie marathon, and 2) I’m been wearing some of the same T-shirts for more than a decade.

Speaking of the New Year… I don’t make resolutions because they’re made to be broken. However, a few things need to change this year, and I think it’s healthy to have some goals. Here are mine for 2006.
1. To get a job.
2. To get in shape. I don’t want to lose weight as much as touch my toes, but it would be nice if my clothes fit comfortably.
3. To stop feeling pressured into making certain decisions about my life. I’m sick of trying to please everyone. I’ll make myself happy, and I won’t feel guilty for it.
4. To be grateful for all the good things that happen even when bad things come along too.

Happy New Year to everyone and I wish for great things in the year to come.